Being Too Different for Change

I never really thought this would be a blog post I would ever discuss about. However, when I was asking feedback on what kind of blog posts I should write more about via Instagram a few weeks ago, so many have requested to hear about my personal life. The mystery of the “life of a blogger” sounds so appealing, fun, and thrilling. I totally get why you asked. Being hush hush about those details offline are also why my life has been a huge question mark, too. Although it was flattering for me to know that my online friends wanted to get life updates, I found myself feeling awful about the idea of sharing how I truly feel about my current phase in life.


The last thing I want someone to do when they read this blog post is to feel sorry for me. You shouldn’t. My life today is because of my choices. To be completely honest, if I wrote down a list of all the things I’ve accomplished from travel blogging since 2016, one would probably think,”What a great life!” and I don’t take it for granted. While it’s true that the opportunities I’ve been given would not be possible without the growing platform and the newfound friendships I’ve made online, I can’t say that this lifestyle is everything I’ve always wanted. In fact, this was something I’ve never expected.

I have shared countless times about how much blogging was simply a creative outlet for me when I first started. It wasn’t this big scheme for me to “get rich quick” or to become “online famous” (AKA – I’m still none of those things). You could ask any of my close friends growing up about my ideal dream life and they’d easily respond with 3 things: 1) living in a condo in the heart of a big city, 2) have a personal music studio and album, and 3) get a pet teacup yorkie. Inside my heart, I think a part of me still hopes it’ll come true.

Because I’ve ideally pictured my future with that dream life for so long, it’s hard for me to know if my life right now is better than what I’ve imagined it would be. As I continue traveling each month to beautiful destinations and working with more brands, I can’t find a reason to complain. Why should I?!

My unbearable truth: the more I’ve been away, the more I’ve dreaded returning back home to Houston. Missing the beautiful places I’ve visited might have something to do with it, but nothing makes me more empty than the complex feeling of changing differently than everybody else.

Being an adult in my mid 20’s, so much can happen within the span of a year. People can move, get new jobs, form new relationships, get engaged, become married, raise a family, etc. While those things keep happening, I tend to feel like I’m racing to keep up with everyone’s lives. Sometimes I’m up to speed, but often times, I slowly drifted from friends I once considered close. My friendship circle kept changing every month that I’ve even shamefully given up trying to have my own so-called social circle at home.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends. And to those whom I was once close with, I still consider you a friend. However, the deep, unbreakable kind of friendship where I’ll hang out with you 24/7, go shopping every weekend, bake cookies together just-because, and have an insane amount of inside jokes with you is pretty much close to nonexistent. As much as I hate to admit it, travel blogging has kept me in a tight schedule outside of my other job. It’s been hard for me to foster my old style of being a best friend for people. I never want to disappoint people or make them feel like I’m being a one-sided friend.

At the end of the day, I’d rather have someone say “she’s too busy” than “she just doesn’t care.” So, I choose to step away and grow apart. Plus, with all the life events that often happen during your mid- 20’s, nobody’s waiting for me to arrive at their doorstep. People move on, too. People get used to it. I get used to it.


Despite lacking a personal life, there’s no doubt how much I’ve also changed. From traveling and blogging, I understand myself better, I have a refreshing sense of independence, and my intuition is stronger than ever. Those qualities about me may be noticeable, but it doesn’t add up to anything tangibly significant like a new house or an engagement ring. What I do have to offer are TONS of travel stories. However, I normally remain silent about my trip details to many people for fear of being considered “entitled” for having those experiences.

What I do share online stays online. Rarely will I ever bring it up unless someone else does. So while I listen to my friends at home share their current life situations, I try to be as supportive as possible, but I can’t find myself relating to a lot of what they go through. Most occurrences, I find myself reflecting afterwards and realizing how “stuck” I am in my current lifestyle. Feeling stuck in time makes me question as to whether I’m regressing my life or if I’m moving forward. Circling those thoughts in my mind makes me emotionless with the conclusion of: It is what it is.

In the end, I can’t help but think my values and aspirations for my online business doesn’t align with what others want in life. Traveling often and working with hotels/tourism boards isn’t something that everybody wants or cares to know about, and I’m okay with keeping my work life anonymous. In the past 2 years, I have never explained to anyone the amount of dread I feel about myself because it feels selfish for me to feel this way. It is not that I want to get married, or be a mother, or own a house with a white picket fence ASAP. I just feel like my life is too different to make the same changes others are going through.

My situation of feeling out of place brings me to find comfort in 2 things: 1) Everything comes in perfect timing and 2) Everything happens for a reason. I do not think that I’m the only one out there that feels this way, and I hope someone will read this knowing they are not alone. Although I don’t always understand why, I hold on to the belief that the right people and the right timing will come into my life when I need it. The places I travel solo remind me of this every day.